Why do I always do this to myself? Every few weeks, I’ll get tanked on a Friday and pick up an Ebay brand watch just to see what it looks like. I’ve played with Apogaum and a few other watches of dubious heredity in the past, and I keep coming back for more. This time, we’re going to take a look at the Trias Automatic Diver, a 53mm monstrosity that, if it weren’t so hilarious looking, would be the largest hunk of timekeeping ridiculousness ever to traverse the globe.

Before we begin, let’s discuss Trias as a brand. No matter what anyone says, these things are not made in Germany. Perhaps someone in der Faderland opens them up and blows a little pipe smoke into there for luck, but these have the fit and finish of a Chinese manufacturer. That isn’t to say they’re bad watches – on the contrary. They are a study in careful trend-watching and low-cost manufacturing. As I’ve said before, if the Chinese and their partners could kick the piracy/IP theft bug, they’d be a juggernaut. This is an automatic movement that is on par with just about any other low-cost piece I’ve seen. It is not pretty, but it gets the job done and it has a hacking feature and quick date adjust. That’s basically all it needs.

A number of folks have complained about Trias in the past and we concur with their opinions, however, if you want a fun watch for not much dosh, then you might as well take a look at these beasts. However, I am very concerned about the apparent rip-off by Trias of the U-Boat brand of watch. Ernie Romers, who sells U-Boats, said that Trias often does this same unfortunate thing with other manufacturers, and until I find a definitive proof that Trias and U-Boat aren’t just being bilked by their original suppliers, I’m going to err on the side of caution. However, I did want to talk about this Diver in order to warn/inform other Ebay hunters.

The face is attractive, with the barest hint of some sort of line pattern radiating from the center. The goofy numbers at 12, 4, and 8 remind us that odd-number hours are the devil’s work. The little window for the date is all but unusable. In the massive field of the 53mm face, the date looks like a speck. Hell, the Trias logo is bigger than the window.

It has a signed buckle and screw-down crown. There is no lume whatsoever, which is another ridiculous little minus. Interestingly enough, the crown is on the left side – just like the U-Boat models – and very large. It doesn’t have the little attachment chain that comes with the U-Boat, but it seems that Trias didn’t want to step too far into IP infringement.

The back shows us the movement surrounded by a huge hunk of plastic. This is a hallmark of the finest Chinese watchmakers and can be found in anything from a fake Rolex to the finest Patek knock-off.

As you can see, this thing is almost unwearable and very thick. Is it worth it? No. It’s a huge beast and if you need something that will make you look like a freak, consider the massive Zlatoust diver that we reviewed in these very pages.

Quality: 1/5
Style: 2/5
Overall: 2/5

Here, get a real diver…

Luminox - 3001 (Size: men)
Citizen Men's Promaster Professional Diver Watch AJ0100-02E
Omega Men's Seamaster 300 M Diver Chronometer Watch 2531.80

Last Update: December 19, 2005