Fashion watches are mostly garbage. Fashion watches that pretend to be good watches are terrible.

To wit, I present you with the Brick Watch Company by Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy. Portnoy is a bro and his watches – essentially rebadged Alibaba garbage – are for dumb bros.

There are a few reasons why these are awful, the first being that they are poorly-made clones of well-known watch styles including a poor-man’s Daytona and a dumb man’s Tissot. But the worse thing this guy did is price this garbage at… $2,399.00.


For a quartz chronograph. Looking for something a little classier to wear to the Spearmint Rhino? Portnoy has you covered with this $2,399.00 three hander that runs a Sellita SW 200-1 automatic movement.

So this dude is either preying on the vapidly stupid or the deeply ignorant. His watches – all of which are clearly renders – are a test of the market and I suspect he’ll make his nut back if he sells even a few of them to absolute morons. That said, if you want a Sellita SW 200-1 automatic, look no further than Doxa, Oris, or countless other automatic micro brands that cost far less than $2,399.00.

The ability of this dude to make a watch company that is derivative, expensive, and utterly stupid is close to miraculous. This is a strong do not buy.

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